(Sunday, November 8)

Just in time for the swine flu outbreak and its ensuing panic comes news out of Chicago of the invention of a brassiere that doubles as a face mask.

It is the brain child of Dr. Elena Bodnar of the non-profit Trauma Risk Management Research Institute, and this bra mask just won her the Ig Nobel Prize at Harvard — given out by the Annals of Improbable Research magazine for achievements that “first make people laugh, and then make them think.”

The one she showed off was a cute little pink number with fancy black lace trim, kind of sexy really — considering it can be ripped off the bodice for use during such disasters as fires, terrorist attacks, dust storms and, yes, even swine flu outbreaks.

I kid you not. Look it up.

To use the bra-mask, the wearer unsnaps the brassiere from under her blouse, which breaks it in two. And, because each cup has a hook on the side, the strap wraps around the head, and is hooked up to the cup.

And, voila, two utilitarian face masks.

As Dr. Bodnar put it in accepting her award: “Isn't it wonderful that women have two breasts, not just one?

Well, yeah, sure .... you've got me there.

But then she goes and adds this: “Not only can we save our own lives, but we can also save the life of a man of our choice standing next to us.”

Notice the empowerment in that statement?

Keep your jockstraps men, and save yourself.