(short answer no ... read on)

First off I want to apologize for the drop off in the frequency of my writing as of late. Let’s just say that Dell and Bell have decided to form an unholy tag team alliance and thwart my ability to have the internet going on in my home. It’s in God’s hands now.

Anyway ….

There is no more compelling TV than whenever ‘Maury Povich’ trots out a couple of pre-teen moms with the age old question: “Who is the father”? Just seeing the look on the potential farther to be’s faces when he finds out he is not the father always kills me. Seriously, have you ever seen a look of pure joy like that? Bride’s and Groom’s don’t look that happy during the “I do’s” as some of these “guests” on Povich.

So with word coming out that the 2-Time Heisman runner-up and future top 10 NFL draft pick, Darren McFadden, has already fathered at least three children with three different women, it got me thinking, who are my favourite athlete fathers.

Yes I know I should be writing about Favre and the continual decline of Andrea Bargnani, those stories are coming. But for now, on to the dads.

A Couple quick notes:

(1) The final tally of women and/or children may be off. Lawyers and embarrassed athletes often make it difficult to get the exact numbers. I apologize but I can guarantee you I worked really hard to get you the most up to date figures.

(2) I tried really hard to nail down some numbers for Larry Bird and Jim Palmer but the internet has not helped me out. If anyone has any more accurate information on this gentleman that would be greatly appreciated.


The Legends:

(1) Shawn Kemp: (SEVEN illegitimate children by SIX different women)

The gold standard by which all professional athletes are measured by. Sure there are other jocks that have sired more children, but Kemp is still the go to guy when it comes to which athlete has the strongest swimmers. The fact that his nicknames include “The Reign Man” and “The Manchild” certainly doesn’t help his rep.

(2) Evander Holyfield: (NINE illegitimate children)

Oh sure you could easily make the “Evander is clearly allergic to latex” joke. But since Evander is a deeply religious man I’ll go with The Book of Genesis, Chapter One.

“And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.”

The guy is just following orders, can’t blame him for treating his penis like a weapon of mass destruction.

(3) Larry Johnson: (FIVE children with FOUR different women)

Before Stephon Marbury was having sex with team interns in the back seat of his truck their was Larry Johnson.


The New “Kids” on the Block:

(1) Elijah Dukes: (FIVE children with FOUR different women)

All right, this one I don’t get. The guy has been arrested 6 times on a variety of charges from marijuana possession, resisting an officer and assault. Really ladies this is the guy you want to be the father of your illegitimate child? If pro sports have taught us anything it’s that athletes enjoy the sacred journey of creating life.

(2) Darren McFadden: (THREE children with THREE different women)

Oh sure he ran the 4.3 at the combines but I’ll take his 3 kids by the age of 20 as a more telling number. The guy is young, clearly fertile and knows how to get the job done. Come on Raiders do what you know needs to be done and draft McFadden. Dominick Rhodes and Lamont Jordan are glorified #2 RB’s at best.

(3) Santonio Holmes: (THREE children with TWO different women)

I know what you’re saying how does Holmes make this list!? Well first let me say stop yelling, really there’s no place for that in this blog. What I love about Holmes was that he did all his damage even before he left college. This guy must have been busy. Santonio played at Ohio State, so you know that he didn’t have much time to care of his children, what with all the trigonometry and chemistry labs that he must have been knee deep in.

My theory is all these young athletes have watched one too many episodes of ‘Little House on the Prairie’ and believe that all men have a fleet of children before they’re 25.

(4) Willis McGahee: (THREE illegitimate kids)

For a guy who can’t stand the night life of Buffalo McGahee still found time to enjoy the female population.


The Unknown Champion

Jason Caffey: (EIGHT children with SEVEN different women)

This former 2-Time NBA champ has apparently had a wildly successful career off the court making the world’s population just a little bit bigger.

On a more positive note, it’s nice to see that groupies just don’t go for the star players, but they also have a place in their hearts for the role players as well.

Jason should be a cautionary tale for all athletes who feel that condoms are for the other guy. Caffey is staring into the gun barrel of bankruptcy as he can’t afford to pay the mountains of child support he owes. Last year he landed in jail due to missing payments. I’m thinking the whole condom thing isn’t sounding so bad right about now.


The King:

Travis Henry: (NINE children with NINE different women.)

It’s time to hand over the crown to Henry. Not only for the sheer numbers but he apparently did all of his love making in three different Southern States. He is kind of like the horny Smokey and the Bandit of our day.

Also since it is nine times, how can you not think of the principal from ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’, Ed Rooney, repeating the line “Nine Times” to Ferris’ mom over the phone?

Finally, I have said it before, but Henry will never retire from the NFL, never. The amount of child support this guy is facing, he’ll be playing forever. Plus you are guaranteed he will show up to camp every year in great shape and motivated to play for his next contract.